Dearest Families and Friends...

Dearest Families and Friends   

             I am happy. As happy as the bird flying in the sky, and every sunset returned home to its love ones. Do not misjudge me by what I have written here. The missed conception of me mourning is not true. Yes, I missed her,  I still have sleepless nights, but in all the things that I have been through I do not mourn for her. (I’m not in a denial) I do recite Yassin every Thursday night. I do not have regrets. Instead, I am glad.

          I am glad she passed away early. There was no suffering. She was surrounded by people who loved her. She was a good Muslim, a loving wife and mother. She was the lucky few. By her passing, she teach me and those who she left behind a lot; love, friendship, and God the Almighty.

          I am glad and thankful for so many things. I have three beautiful children that I adore and love. I have my family and friends who supported me through thick and thin. I even have a girlfriend. (Sorry, ladies) I have my health, and of course I have Him to thank for all that I am thankful for. I accepted everything that happened to my life. What I wrote here was actually done years ago. (Except for "Our Story") She is gone, and I am moving forward with strive. …

          A friend (thanks Arish) called me and highlighted me about this charade that I have been minister in my blog. It is hard to explain… some time when the kids are all asleep, I have nothing to do. Television does not interest me anymore, and so does (do I dare to say this?) Japanese anime that I downloaded for my own personal view, does not interest me much. So, I write. Before I wrote I need a subject, and at that particular time and moment, I think of her. (I did wrote in the top of my blog “it is just anything that comes in my mind”)

          My novels stayed untouched, as I buried myself on “Our story”. All this I remembered in a flash, like a rerun old film in my head. I need to put it down somewhere, I need to tell my memories of her to someone, but it would take hours. Days, even. Mourning was not the reason I wrote this. Sharing does. Someone told me it is good for the soul.

          A friend also comment to me that I wrote too much about her, the stories that was so and too personal that she think it was not meant to be shared. It should stay buried. The stories should stay with me. She also said that I opened a very thin line of having the painful truth out in the open, and by doing so disrespect her. My story, was to her, should stay only between me and Arwah Siti, and should start after I married her. She said it will give a wrong impression to those who knew her, and to those who don’t. She was afraid that my children will suffer from it. I must say there are some truths in what she said, I could not deny it.

          But then again, that was not my intention. My late wife as I describe her as best that I can is like a flower, a flower blooming in the middle of the city with the pollution and what not. A flower that with so many disadvantage and so many hurdles to go through and reach the sun. She bloomed to become a beautiful, charming and bright flower. Hopefully my children would understand and their love for their late mother will be greater than ever.

          I don’t consider myself an artist, but an artist to write or draw need something to base on for their masterpiece. It does not reflect the true nature of the artist. Alfred Hitchcock did not become a serial killer.

          My point of having the skeleton comes out from the closet was simply because to inform people that He is listening and watching. Even how far you strayed away from the straight line, there’s always a ‘U’ turn somewhere down the lost road. I want to set my late wife as an example, not to distained her, but to praise Allah. HE has plan for all of us, and only He knows, and with His will I sincerely want to share the bad, the good and the ugly truth of life.

          I hope we learn from someone else experience, rather than experienced it ourselves. I hope that by doing so we can see a mere worm became a wonderful stunning butterfly. We are human, after all and made mistake, and hopefully “Our story” we can learn to make amends on our journey to bliss.

         

          Enough said, being a single father I learnt a lot. I learnt to be patient, lenient and appreciated those who surrounded me. I learnt to cook my children’s favorites dish, I learnt to pick up what a little girl want in her drawers, I learnt to make my own decisions and I even learnt the art of nagging. I guessed this is nagging. Too much had been said here. Sorry if I had wasted your time, but due to the circumstances, I have to explain myself, so there’s no feeling sorry for me and my children. I don’t want your sympathy (though I accept moneyJ), all I need is your friendship, advice and your love.

          I am happy with my life, folks I have parents who scolded me if I did wrong. I have brothers and sisters who helped me emotionally and physically. I have my friends who are there when I need them. I am happy with my life. I have Tuah, Aniq and Intan. I have a job that have no stressed and a salary to feed my family. The best of all I have Allah the Merciful and the most Forgiven and I know He listened to my prayers. What more is there? Everything is summarized in two words… done deal.

          In the mere future, I don’t mind being alone, in my own paid house. All I need is my astro, my internet, my books and a surau near by. I am calm and at peace.

          My apologies if I had misled.

Done deal 080311