Today...4 years ago (16th January 2008)

early of the night.

she told me she want to sleep beside.

while holding my hand tight,

though she can't sleep right,

sitting almost upright

middle of the night,

she complaint that she can't sleep,

her breath shallow and can't breath deep,

her stomach ache and had cold feet,

i want to bring her to hospital but she decline and said she was allright...

early morning,

she was still not sleeping,

and I have to stop pretending,

and force her do what i was offering,

and see her doctor now and not wait till the morning...

middle morning,

I left her,

in the hospital with the nurses and her doctor,

went to work as usual,

after she was sedated,

after she told me to leave her and let her sleep...

early afternoon,

I received a call,

from a nurse in the hospital,

asking me to come immediately,

'cause the doctor want to see me,

as soon i am able...

middle afternoon,

the doctor told me the truth,

hugging me while he did,

told me the dreaded news,

asking me to tell others,

there's no more hope and bring her home...

in the late afternoon,

i sat holding her cold hand,

while an oxygen mask on her face,

we whispered our love for each other,

she whispered her requests,

she said her good byes...

early evening,

i went home,

living her with her mother,

hoping to see her tomorrow,

hoping to bring her back,

hoping she could say her good byes to her 3 children...

late evening,

i sleep with my youngest on my arm, 

with my 2nd son on the other,

a call came in and it was my mother,

told me to come because it is time,

i rushed to her as fast as i dare to drive....

early morning next day,

sat by her bedside,

looking at her with water in my eyes,

with an ache in my heart,

her eyes was close,

her heartbeat was slow...

the same early morning,

i whispered to her ear,

and i said to her,

in the name of Allah as your husband,

i forgave you for whatever you said and did,

go in peace to your Maker....

while i recite the sya'adah,

the doctor put a hand on my shoulder,

told me she was gone forever,

he had to tell me three times before I considered,

i kissed her cheek, forehead and whisper in her ear,

I love you forever and ever.............................

done deal 16012012