Today...4 years ago (17th January 2008)

while i recite the sya'adah,

the doctor put a hand on my shoulder,

told me she was gone forever,

he had to tell me three times before I considered,

i kissed her cheek, forehead and whisper in her ear,

I love you forever and ever.............................

early morning,

i gave her a kiss,

on her hand, forehead cheek and lips,

felt like the world is slowing down,

while i covered her head with her blanket,

a corner i found and  i cry.........

that morning,

i called everybody i knew,

i called everybody she knew,

i do what ever i could,

keep me busy to bring her home,

to do any muslim would do,

and do as properly as i should....

that morning,

my ear was ringing,

my hand was shaking,

my leg was wobbling,

my heart was pumping,

but my eyes has stopped crying....

that morning,

i told myself i have to be strong,

for my eldest tuah,

for my aniq,

and for my baby girl intan,

have to tell them it's going to be okay going to be fine....

that morning,

as i get down from the van,

saw tuah infront the door,

holding and kissing her mother's sandal,

looking at me with dread and crying,

at that moment i cried with my son.

that morning,

after she had her last bath,

aniq and intan holding each of my hand,

but they don't want to kiss her,

to them she will soon be awake,

she will soon be hugging them again....

that night and every night,

when everybody gone back,

after everybody sleep tight,

i was still wide awake,

every night praying that she is well,

every night praying that i will see her again...

i know He had planned for me,

i know He knew that i can take it well,

i do redha He took her away,

who ever said time will heal,

i know they are lying,

because it's been 4 years and i don't think it will......

done deal 17012011